Thursday, June 30, 2016

Zoe vs. A Blogaversary with the Piano Man

I've been writing this blog for three years this week (parade, please), and in honor of my blogaversary, I'm going to do a parody of another "list" song like I did last year with REM's It's the End of the World As I Know It (And I Feel Fine).
This way I get to (made-up word alert!) hyperlight---that is, highlight mixed with hyperlink---my posts from the previous year and present them within a well-known song. I'm not actually going to do Billy Joel's "Piano Man," since that's not what I mean by a "list" song, but another Billy Joel song, "We Didn't Start the Fire." 
The other reason I'm not doing "Piano Man" is I loathe that song. Apologies to the Billy Joel fans, but it's just one of those songs they always play in bars at the end of the night, and it goes on forever and drunk people seem to feel it necessary to sing along. Call me a snob, call me a jerkface poopypants, and that's fine, because as long as you're calling me names you won't be singing "Piano Man."
By the way, it is my firm belief everyone should get three song that, if they had the power, should be stricken from existence. Frikkin' "Piano Man" is one of mine. My other two are also songs drunk people sing in bars at the ends of boozy nights and they also go on forever.*

Parody of Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start the Fire."

Now, without further ado, here, for my third blogaversary, is my takeoff on "We Didn't Start the Fire," by Billy Joel, but for moms like me who haven't slept in years:

I'll Never Not Be Tired
1980's video games, all excuses are the same
Target toy aisle, go away, look out next year's PTA
Minecraft, Urban Wasteland, at the park she plays with sand
Harper's Index, Book Blurb, Oscars, she's on my last nerve 
Kobayashi Maru, go back to your bedroom
Spirit animal or playing pretend? What will we do this weekend?

I'll never not be tired
For my bed, I'm yearning
As the hours keep turning
I'll never not be tired
Bedtime, she fights it
My wish goes unrequited

Here's 9 words she can't pronounce, she won't give in to me an ounce
Knock, knock, who's there? I pulled down your underwear.
Oxford comma parody, Daddy's gonna marry me
Toys away! No more play! What else do I have to say?!

I'll never not be tired
For my bed, I'm yearning
As the hours keep turning
I'll never not be tired
Bedtime, she fights it
My wish goes unrequited

(Repeat refrain until you bring down the house and you're utterly exhausted, but is your child still up? Yes, yes she is.)

*Care to guess the other two boozy bar songs I'd like to have obliterated from time and memory? Let me know in the comments. Also, tell me three songs you'd like utterly destroyed so it's as if they never existed. I'm willing to bet I'll agree.

Zoe: 141: Universe: 0

If you liked this year's blogaversary post, you might like last year's.

For more of Zoe's hijinks, follow me on Facebook and on Twitter at @zoevsuniverse
I need a win here, people. 

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