Thursday, July 9, 2015

Zoe vs. the 100th Post

This is my 100th post. Can you see it through the storm of confetti?
It was also my 2nd blogiversary two weeks ago. When I started this blog at the end of June in 2013, I committed myself to posting once a week. So if you do the math, I should've been at 106 posts by  now. I'm counting on you not to do the counting as my blogiversary gift. Aw, thanks.
Something fun for today. I'm going to do a retrospective of my posts by inserting them randomly in R.E.M.'s pop hit of randomosity from 1987 "It's the End of the World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)." As a "stream of consciousness rant with diverse references" (thanks, Wikipedia!), it seems appropriate. Retitled, naturally.



She's in Charge of My World and She Knows It (And I Feel Tired)
This blog, it started with my first post
About my cat, who liked to claim that she was not afraid.

Gwyneth Paltrow, exercise, Zoe likes her casual lies.
Child with so many needs. My commands she never heeds.
Beat me up. King of Pain? No. Queen. Refrain.
Dine out, fret, no etiquette. Zen, Homeric epithet.
Ruin Goodnight Moon. Dr. Seuss. Those seven dwarves
Watching Frozen. "Get me juice!" She can't Let. It. Go.
Left her, didn't come back in a hurry. Hello, fury. Snot runs. Down. My. Neck.

Hear running water, bath tub.
Uh-oh, overflow. Potty train, parts 1 through 3.
Will she go? Save yourself, please send help.
What about my own needs? Listen till my ears bleed.
Choose to treat with laughter, fears and tears provoke my fight, flight.
High diastolic, chocaholic, pants tight, can't write.
Feeling not so psyched.

She's in charge of my world and she knows it.
She's in charge of my world and she knows it.
She's in charge of my world and she knows it, and I feel tired.

Six o'clock, witching hour, don't get caught in closet, cower.
Stomach churns, heartburn, somehow it's always her "turn."
Candy Land. No more playing! She ignores the words I'm saying.
Nancy Drew and Meryl Streep. Family bed, we get no sleep.
Like Thomas she's so locomotive. Get down! Calm down!
Feel my heel crush, crush, LEGO. Get no
sleep here. Not for years. Mommy, Daddy, shed a tear.
A tug of war, a tug of war, a tug of war of cries.
Offer her solutions, offer her alternatives, she just whines.

She's in charge of my world and she knows it (I need some time alone)
She's in charge of my world and she knows it (I really need some time alone)
She's in charge of my world and she knows it, and I feel tired. (It's time she goes to bed alone)
I feel tired (I feel so tired)
[Repeat]

Every night we watch TV, DVR is not for me
All filled up with kid's programs. SpongeBob SquarePants!
Bubble Guppies, Dora, Boots, and D.J. Lance.
Birthday candy, cupcake, ice cream. Doom.
She's catatonic, it's ironic. New food. Have bite? Fight.

She's in charge of my world and she knows it (I truly need some time alone)
She's in charge of my world and she knows it (It's time I got some time alone)
She's in charge of my world and she knows it, and I feel fine.

[Repeat. Forever.]

Zoe: 100; Universe: 0


For more of Zoe's hijinks, follow me on Facebook and on Twitter at @zoevsuniverse
I need a win here, people. 
To find out if I have another 100 posts in me, click here to subscribe. 
It's free and you'll make those kittens happy.

6 comments :

  1. Kristen Miller HewittJuly 12, 2015 at 5:29 PM

    I read this singing the song so thank you! And congrats on your 2nd year and 100th post! Keep killing it!

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  2. Elizabeth CatalanoJuly 13, 2015 at 7:19 AM

    Thanks, lady!

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  3. I threw myself a party for my 100th post, but this is way cooler. Congrats, Liz! Maybe by post 200 you'll be in charge. :)

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  4. Elizabeth CatalanoJuly 15, 2015 at 5:58 PM

    A party? you say.... Very interesting. Thanks! And keep praying for me.

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  5. Ingenious post!

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  6. Elizabeth CatalanoJuly 21, 2015 at 4:47 AM

    Thank you!

    ReplyDelete