Zoe vs. the Kobayashi Maru

In pop culture, the Kobayashi Maru has come to mean a "no-win situation." To Star Trek fans, it's a test cadets in Starfleet Academy take to see how they deal with a no-win scenario. Basically it tests the cadet's character.

It begins when a civilian ship, the Kobayashi Maru, calls for aid from the neutral zone, which Federation ships are not allowed to enter due to a treaty with the Klingons. If you go to their aid, it turns out it's a trap and your ship will be destroyed by Klingon Birds of Prey.

O no.

You were supposed to lose, and everyone did. Everyone except for James Tiberius Kirk.

Famously, Kirk changed the parameters of the test---some say "cheated"---so he could win.

The Kobayashi Maru was first mentioned in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, and it was dramatized in one of the recent reboots with Chris Pine as Kirk.

James Kirk did not believe in the no-win scenario. Also, he really didn't like to lose.

The latter could also be said of Zoe. As for whether she believes in the no-win scenario, that's only for the unfortunates who play against her. Zoe aims to win. 

When we play a game, and it looks like things aren't going her way, suddenly Zoe will change the rules. Just like Captain Kirk, but with more whining and carrying on and general emoting (a close call if we're talking Shatner).

The face of winning.

It goes for all games, from board games to footraces. If we're running and I start to catch up, first she'll veer in my path, trying to cut me off; but if I dodge and weave and start to pass her again, her ploy is to scream "No!" and grab on to my arm in sweaty despair.

When she challenged me to a footrace, I was not to win. Silly Mommy.

Board games, same thing. I'll say she can't change the rules, waving the actual written ones in her face. She affects illiteracy and pretends she doesn't understand. Which is unbeatable in its own way.

Most impressive is how she even cheats at games she makes up. More than actual time playing the game she'll expound upon the rules, and then violate them as soon as Daddy or I start to "win."

The other day she made up a game called "Cronin." It involves rolling a ball and either getting it through your opponent's legs or around their legs. Hard to say which because whichever way I do it I lose and whichever way she does it she's cronin. I guess I just don't understand the meaning of the word.

One more story because I know you hate it when I leave you:

This weekend at the park we played "Bad Guy." Alternate name: "Good Guy." Either version, I ended up trapped in her Fire Engine Spaceship (a jungle gym). The only way I knew which one of us was supposed to be the bad guy was if, when she said "Now you're trapped," she added "ha ha ha" to the end (classic bad guy). Otherwise it was the same scenario: she put me in her ship, then made a great show of wrapping chains around me so I wouldn't be able to move.

But then, just as she was about to walk away, she turned back, and, perhaps because of the safety lessons she'd absorbed from her sainted mother, she made another stretching motion across me and told me she was attaching my "seat belt." Which kind of felt like a little bit of a win for me.

So maybe she'll bend the rules a bit to remain on top, but she also cares about the well-being of all crew, even POWs.

Which makes her definite Starfleet material.

Zoe: 104; Universe: 0

For more of Zoe's hijinks, follow me on Facebook and on Twitter at @zoevsuniverse. 

I need a win here, people. 

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