Thursday, January 4, 2018

Zoe vs. 2018: A Seven-Year-Old's New Year's Resolutions. Plus Her Word for the Year

This year's list of Zoe's resolutions is late because it was the first New Year's she stayed up to watch the ball drop---and I haven't recovered yet.
I am a walking yawn.
But even sleepy I'm working hard to entertain my five readers---see how much I care?---so this year I decided to add Zoe's and my "word" for 2018.

Word of the Year

Have you heard about this? People now pick a word for their personal year, and then attempt to live up to that word for the rest of it.
I'm not a New Year's resolution type of person, but I am a word person, so I feel like I'm a natural passenger for the logophile train.
However, this took some soul-searching, because I'm also not the sort of person who thrills to memes featuring people scaling cliffs at sunrise or rowing a skiff at sunset with words like "Aspire"  and "No Limits" written at the bottom. If I ever say I'm "living my best life," you should know that my best life includes sarcasm.
In the interests of becoming at least the sort of person who's maybe not like the sort of person I am, I decided my word for 2018 will be "insouciant." I like the way it sounds and I think I'd like to be insouciant.
Think devil-may-care. Think champagne and fluttering clothes in fabrics that need to be hand washed, which is very impractical and also annoying, but do I care? No? Correct. Because I'm now insouciant.
I was also rewatching Cary Grant and Audrey Hepburn in Charade---a movie I've seen a million times---over the holidays and I decided I want to embody that movie, Henry Mancini score and all. Charade's a movie with insouciance to spare.

A Child's New Year's Resolutions
"How about making me Vice President in charge of cheering you up?"
Actual line from movie. Can you stand it? I can. Because I'm insouciant.
Still, I think I'll start being insouciant tomorrow, which is when my diet starts. Now, here's Zoe.
(Warning, she uses the phrase "pretty much" in almost every sentence and it pretty much drives me crazy.)

Zoe here! I can tell Mommy's tired because she slept past her alarm the past three days and this morning when she opened the spoon drawer to get me a spoon for my cereal she dropped the spoon, bent down to pick it up, and then hit her head on the open drawer when she got up again. Poor Mommy! I said. After I stopped laughing. Here are my resolutions!

Zoe's New Year's Resolutions for 2018
1. Decide on my word for 2018. (I got a dictionary for Christmas and thought it was boring until I saw it had words like "die" and "feces" in it.)
2. Get the last Lego dragon I don't have, the Queen dragon, which is white with gold and purple wings, and is pretty much bigger---and apparently pretty much more expensive---than all of my Lego dragons put together which gives me an idea.
3. See if I can connect all of my Lego dragons together so it will pretty much be a necklace of Lego dragons.
4. Play all the YouTube videos I want for one thousand one million googleplex hours till Mommy uses the weird voice she uses when she's amusing herself with some imitation she should know by now I can't understand to say I should go outside and play in the fresh air which I know she doesn't really mean because we live in an apartment and so she'd have to go with me into the fresh air, like the air at the park which she hates though she tries to hide it but pretty much doesn't try very hard.
5. Write more run-on sentences.
6. Learn Italian.
7. Write run-on sentences in Italian. Molto bene, abbastanza.*
8. Gain weight. (I put this one in to mess with Mommy because she's trying to do the opposite. Don't know why it's so hard for her.) 
9. Go to the bathroom when I have to go and not wait till I'm so desperate it's almost too late and sometimes pretty much a little bit too late. 
10. On the other hand, don't stay too long in the school bathroom just to show each girl who comes in the bad word (the one that starts with "f") that was scratched in the cell [Ed: stall] door so that I pretty much miss snack time. A bad word is not a reason for show and tell, and show and tell and bathrooms should never go together, unless you require medical attention. Plus, I could get in trouble, even though I'm sure it was a bad boy who snuck in and wrote it cause a girl wouldn't do that. Right, Mommy?

That's all! And I already did my first resolution.
Ready to hear my word for 2018? Schadenfreude.
Because it may be wrong to laugh at others' misfortunes but it's also funny.
Though next time Mommy drops my spoon then hits her head on the open drawer I'll ask if she's hurt first before I laugh. Pretty much.

Zoe: 176; Universe: 0

*Very well, pretty much.

 If you enjoyed this post, you may like last year's resolutions.

For more of Zoe's hijinks, follow me on Facebook and on Twitter at @zoevsuniverse
I need a win here, people. 

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