Thursday, June 26, 2014

Zoe vs. This Blog:
A Blogiversary

I can't believe it's been a year since I started this blog. I can't believe Zoe is almost four years old. I can't believe Interpol hasn't caught up to her web of international evil.

Just snap the damn picture already so I
can get these germ-magnets off me
and get back to my blog.

When I started this blog I wasn't sure how long I could keep it up. Could there be that many things Zoe was "against"? Turns out the universe is a mighty big place, filled with a plethora of wonders to behold with awe and then despise.
In this first year, she and I have explored many of her dislikes: from eating healthy food and sleeping reasonable hours to visiting doctors (boo!) and attending parades (should've been yay! but was somehow boo!). 
Sometimes I've wondered if, a la the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle, I've altered Zoe's behavior just by observing and writing about it. Had I sometimes sat back, pen and pad in hand, and said to her, "Dazzle me"? Had I watched her in the throes of some emotional breakdown and said, "Splendid foaming at the mouth, dearest, but would you mind having your tantrum a little to the left?"

It took eight scientists to make this 60-inch cyclotron.
It took one mommy to make a blond version half the size.

Since I still feel relatively new at this, I researched to see what other bloggers did for their blogiversaries. Giveaways were pretty popular. There are such things out there called Rafflecopters. If you read last week's post, it won't surprise you to learn that upon a moment's investigation into this widget/concept/thing, I hyperventilated and passed out. When I came to, a certain blond-haired little girl was bouncing on my chest, constricting my airway. When I came to the next time, I'd completely forgotten about the whole thing.
Zoe is a walking---more accurately, running---case study, so, as I said, coming up with topics was not a problem. The biggest hurdle in blogging has been finding the window of time where I could sit at my computer unmolested. Those rare moments when she wasn't using my mouse arm as a monkey bar while screeching like a hyena. (Note to self:  "Zoe vs. the Zoo Trip"?)  
She's nobody's fool. If anything, I'm her fool. She has all sorts of ways to stop me from working.
1. Being cute: Wherein the subject begs me to play with her, big blue eyes threatening tears.
2. Being evil: Wherein the subject has a tantrum or otherwise precipitates a crisis/accident.
3. Miscellaneous manipulation: Wherein the subject perversely refuses to watch TV---something she always wants to do unless I'm on the computer---claiming the only entertainment that will satisfy is a YouTube video of Elsa singing "Let It Go." In Portuguese. 
4. Or, finally, that one-two punch of Guilt-Inducing Drama: Wherein the subject implies that the Mommy has scarred her for life by playacting a scene where she's the Mommy and informs Geo and Umicar that she can't play with them because: "I HAVE TO WORK!!" And also: "Go away! You're bothering me!"
For the record, I have never said those words to my daughter. I may have thought them, in a very loud voice, but I didn't say them.
Zoe is a consummate actress. One time, when I wasn't even working on my blog but was performing some much-needed cleanup, she wanted me to play, but I put her off. She walked away sulking. Later, when I was done cleaning and said I could play with her, she told me she was busy. 
I sat on the floor next to her and sighed a lot and made moon eyes and said,  "I wish I had someone to play with." After letting me stew for a bit, so I'd know how it felt, she relented and allowed me to hand her the toys she wanted to play with.

Virtual calories for my
illusory weight loss.

I don't know what the future holds. Or when her powers might come to their full fruition. Just as I don't know how much of an influence recording her activities is having on her development as an evil genius.
History will judge.
Zoe: 50; Universe/This Blog: 0


  1. Love this blog....and the owner.

  2. Elizabeth CatalanoJune 26, 2014 at 11:40 AM

    You better!!

  3. I so relate to "finding the window of time where I could sit at my computer unmolested" -- Amusing as always!

  4. Elizabeth CatalanoJune 27, 2014 at 8:22 AM

    Thanks, Susan, and thanks for sharing.

  5. Happy, happy, happy blogiversary!!! I love your blog. On top of your fantastic posts, your picture captions always make me laugh like a maniac! Well done! I hope you and Zoe continue to treat us to your misadventures for a long time to come! :) XOXOX --Lisa

  6. Stephanie SprengerJuly 2, 2014 at 10:49 AM

    Happy blogiversary! I sort of don't remember what over-the-top thing I did for my first year anniversary, but I was pretty lame and "meh" about the 2nd year one last month. :) Keep up the great work- both you and Zoe!

  7. Elizabeth CatalanoJuly 2, 2014 at 5:52 PM

    Thanks, Stephanie! Right back atcha!