I was a child of the eighties. Before we got our Panasonic with the built-in cassette player, my sister and I had to hold a tape recorder up to the radio to record hot hits like "Always Something There to Remind Me" by Naked Eyes and "I'm Still Standing" by Elton John. The first 45 I ever bought (older folks will know what I'm talking about) was "The Warrior" by Scandal. I used to sing it in the shower. Still do. (Bang! Bang!)
 |
| A long time ago . . . this device took sounds from the air. And played them back. |
Zoe was born in 2010. So she'll never know the particular pleasure of catching a song you like on the radio just as it starts. Or the suspense as you wait for the DJ to stop talking so you can press record. She'll be able to download her favorite songs for 99 cents.
She's growing up in the age of iTunes and DVRs and everything On Demand. By the time she's a teenager, I imagine, there will be hovercrafts, interactive holograms, and robots that can make your tea just the way you like it.
In such a brave new world, will Zoe ever know what it is to wait for things? Will she know the suffering of always missing the beginning to "Say It Isn't So" by Hall and Oates so you end up with several truncated versions on your mixed tape? Will she know good music?
Like Freddie Mercury said, she wants it all, and she wants it now.
Waiting in general is bad enough, but waiting her turn? Sharing a toy?
Because no matter how much technology has advanced, I suspect that having to share will always be "a thing."
As I often do when I'm brooding about the future and feeling as if time is just slipping through my hands like something slippery, I turn to Bon Jovi for wisdom.
 |
| Deploying the Keds-to-crotch maneuver, Billy recovers his truck. |
As I often do when I'm brooding about the future and feeling as if time is just slipping through my hands like something slippery, I turn to Bon Jovi for wisdom.
Speaking of slippery (segue alert!), Bon Jovi's album Slippery When Wet came out in 1986. And one of its big singles was "Livin' on a Prayer."
So in honor of the eighties and Zoe's aversion to sharing, I've rewritten the lyrics. And retitled it "I Don't Wanna Share."
 |
| A tale of two hairdos. |
"I Don't Wanna Share"
(to the tune of "Livin' on a Prayer" by Bon Jovi)
(to the tune of "Livin' on a Prayer" by Bon Jovi)
Tommy's sitting playing with blocks
She knocks them down
Then takes his truck
Says, tough, kid, tough
Sophie rides her trike in Z's way
Z demands a turn
Pushes her off
She shoves, and shoves
Says, I'm gonna hold on to what you've got
Doesn't make a difference if it's yours or not
It's in my hands, you little snot
Hands off, or I'll give you a shot
Whoa, I'll pull your hair
Whoa-oh, I don't wanna share
Take back your toy? I'll break it, I swear
Whoa-oh, I don't wanna share
Justin's sitting spinning a top
It lights up, she's there
She's grabbing it now
She's rough. So rough.
Sophie tries to take it away
Zoe cries out her plight
Mommies yell:
No way! Fair play!
She's gonna hold on to what she's got
It doesn't make a difference if it's hers or not
It's in her hands, along with some snot
Toys: She wants them a lot!
Whoa, no halvsies, I swear
Whoa-oh, I don't wanna share
About taking turns, you know I don't care
Whoa-oh, I don't wanna share
I don't want to share.
She's gonna hold on, her toy or not
She lives for the fight, as if this toy's all she's got.
(Chorus till fade-out)
Zoe: 87; Universe: 0
(Chorus till fade-out)
Zoe: 87; Universe: 0
For more of Zoe's hijinks, follow me on Facebook and on Twitter at @zoevsuniverse.
I need a win here, people.
To get a backstage pass to all the hottest beats, click here to subscribe.
