Thursday, February 21, 2019

Zoe vs. the Oscars 2019

The Academy Awards are this Sunday, so that means it's time for my sixth annual roundup of all the movies nominated for Best Picture. Continuing the downward trend, having seen four of the nine movies for 2017 and two of the nine last year, this year I've halved my tally again, seeing only one of the eight nominated. Maybe next year I'll only see a movie halfway through!
So now it's time to sum up this year's movies and how they reflect life with Zoe.

The Favourite: One thing about having an only child is you don't have to check that the coast is clear before saying to your kid, "Who's my favorite?" Whether it's American or British spelling, it's Zoe! Still, she sometimes vies for my attention as if she's competing with a sibling, or a cousin/courtesan currying royal favor. And yet she's the one who seems to think she's royalty, much like Queen Anne, expressing little interest in taking care of her responsibilities, preferring instead to partake in eccentric pastimes like pretend-narrating a YouTube fashion show, racing Lego dragons, or flossing (the dance not the dental hygiene), the latter of which gets her so hyped up I've contemplated drugging her tea.

Bohemian Rhapsody: The many moods of an eight-year-old girl are much like the music of Queen, particularly this song: a mix of styles ranging from operatic, to ballad, to rock. It's drama enough to give you whiplash. Especially if you ask her to do her homework, take a bath, or go to bed. Mama, didn't mean to make you cry, indeed.

Pfft! But can he do the floss?

Green Book: Seems magical but might really be a white-washing scam. Was that a critical review or parenting metaphor?

Black Panther: Okay, this is the one I saw. Notwithstanding the fact her favorite big cats are cheetahs, she does like panthers too. And, as an evil mastermind in training, the idea of developing advanced technology while hiding in a third world country is right out of her devious playbook. 

Roma: Featuring a middle-class family where the main character is a live-in maid. Zoe is part of a middle-class family. She is the main character. She thinks I am her live-in maid. Brooklyn!

Every mother ever who just wants personal space.

BlacKkKlansmen: It's a biography, a crime story, a comedy, a drama. In other words, it's a parenthood joint!

Vice: Who's really in charge? I wonder every day. Life with Zoe includes praiseworthy performances, polarizing behavior, getting shot accidentally (by a toy missile from a four-headed Lego dragon), and when it's time for bed and the credits roll and you think it's over, it starts up again because she needs a drink of water or to go to the bathroom, and it feels like the only end will be your own death, after which she'll harvest your organs. No regrets!

A Star Is Born: Enough said.

Zoe: 191; Universe: 0

If you enjoyed this post, you may enjoy my first-ever post about the Oscars.

For more of Zoe's hijinks, follow me on Facebook and on Twitter at @zoevsuniverse
I need a win here, people. 

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