Zoe vs. Lord of the Flies. Or, Who Said It: A Six-Year-Old or William Golding?

I read Lord of the Flies when I was in seventh grade. I'm not sure if my teacher thought it was a good book to read because it was short or because the characters were kids. But if it was because we were supposed to learn something about man's inhumanity to man, I wanted to say, Lady, all we really need to know we learned that time you stepped out to take a phone call and left us unsupervised for two minutes.

But today, almost four years into writing a humorous parenting blog, I wonder how it is I've referenced Lord of the Flies exactly once? Maybe it just seemed a little too on the nose. The whole children-descending-into-savagery thing. I have a kid. I've been to a playground.

Zoe, like all children, is a walking Id, so imagining her running free and unsupervised on an island with a lot of branches to fashion into weapons gives me pause.

Plus, when you wear glasses like I do, and poor Piggy from Lord of the Flies did (RIP, Piggy), you live in fear of them being broken by a mischievous child. And it's really only a short jump from there to imagining your entire body being crushed under a rock when mischief makes that right turn into murder.

So today we're going to play "Who Said It?" Is it Zoe or is it one of the British boys from William Golding's Lord of the Flies?

After all, the line between human and savage is a fine one, especially when the latter is digging her elbow into your sternum and you're both cranky.

Answers at the end.

No peeking now!

Who Said It: Zoe or William Golding?

1. "Which is better, to have rules and agree, or hunt and kill?"

2. "I thought I might kill."

3. "I'm going to make everyone dead."

4. "Everyone has to listen to me."

5. "I was chief, and you were going to do what I said."

6. "Everyone's happy when I'm happy."

7. "Kill the pig! Cut his throat. Kill the pig! Bash him in!"

8. "I can explode you two times and you'd be dead."

9. "We've got to have rules and obey them. After all, we're not savages."

     9a. "Who cares?"

     9b. "What matters?"

10. "I'm not going to play any longer. Not with you."

11. “The mask was a thing on its own, to hide behind, liberated from shame and self-consciousness.”

12. "Where's my mask?"

13. "When is the Earth going to be destroyed?"

14. “He found himself understanding the wearisomeness of this life, where every path was an improvisation and a considerable part of one's waking life was spent watching one's feet.”

15. “Maybe there is a beast… maybe it's only us.”

16. "I'm your worst nightmare."

Answer key: 1. Ralph from LOTF. 2. Jack from LOTF. 3. Zoe. 4. Zoe. 5. Ralph. 6. Zoe. 7.  Boys from LOTF. 8. Zoe. 9. Jack. 9a. Ralph. 9b. Zoe (her version of "Who cares?") 10. Jack. 11. William Golding. 12. Zoe. 13. Zoe. 14. William Golding, but this is what the expression on Zoe's face said the other night when she threw herself on the ground and refused to walk another step carrying her backpack because she was just "so exhausted." 15. Simon from LOTF. 16. Trick question. This is an oft-repeated trope from movies and TV, and I imagine it will also be the tattoo Zoe gets when she's fifteen and about which I'll write "Zoe vs. My Worst Nightmare Tattoo."

Zoe: 164: Universe: 0

If you enjoyed this post, you may like Zoe vs. All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten.

For more of Zoe's hijinks, follow me on Facebook and on Twitter at @zoevsuniverse. 

I need a win here, people. 

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