Thursday, March 15, 2018

Zoe vs. Stephen Hawking. Or, A Brief History of a Seven-Year-Old Who Doesn't Understand What Brevity Is

Stephen Hawking died yesterday, and I'd be remiss if my blog with universe in its name didn't offer a tribute to probably the world's most well-known theoretical physicist and cosmologist, who wrote A Brief History of Time.
The only thing that's brief about Zoe is her height. When it comes to telling a story, she doesn't know from brevity. Just the other morning she was telling me about a dream she had. It went like this:
"I had a dream last night, or maybe actually it was ten weeks ago, or something like that, or was it yesterday? I don't know, and I don't remember what I dreamed about, never mind, by the way, did I tell you about the Queen who's the Real Most Powerfulest Thing in the World [trademark pending]? She's in charge of the universes. There are three universes. They are 1) itself, 2) Paradise 3) the core...."
I suppose Hawking might've said Zoe's stories are like black holes in the way they suck in time and energy from all nearby bodies. However, I have to admit, she does emit light in her own inimitable way. Also, mucus. Lots of it.

A Brief History of a Seven-Year-Old Who Doesn't Understand What Brevity Means

Since Zoe has designs on eventually taking over the universe or universes, however many there are, it does seem like she'd be interested in what Hawking had to say about it/them---that is, the properties of her future property. Though she probably thinks a cosmologist is the same as a cosmetologist, and that the latter's work has more to contribute to society, and are we really going to argue with a seven-year-old girl about this? No one's got time for that, unless they're a star or maybe that black hole I mentioned.
I guess.
I don't know since I only just realized that the advance of scientific knowledge didn't come to an abrupt halt when I graduated high school, which is the last time I studied it, and probably the last time I was up to date on cosmetological concerns as well, albeit just as confused regarding them.
Expanding outward---just like the universe has been since the Big Bang (bask in that!)---today, as a tribute to Stephen Hawking, here are some of his most famous quotes, with commentary by Zoe.

"The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge." 
I know what that means. I'm not going to explain it to you though.

"People won't have time for you if you are always angry or complaining." 
Define always.

"Not only does God play dice, but... he sometimes throws them where they cannot be seen." 
That's cheating. And I know because I sometimes do that when the dice fall on the floor and I tell Mommy I rolled doubles and she says, "Did you really?" And I say nothing because I'm thinking what to say and then even though I haven't said anything she seems to know I'm pretty much thinking about lying and she says, "Lying is also cheating," but if even God cheats, then I now have a comeback for her next time.

"Mankind’s greatest achievements have come about by talking, and its greatest failures by not talking. It doesn’t have to be like this. Our greatest hopes could become reality in the future. With the technology at our disposal, the possibilities are unbounded. All we need to do is make sure we keep talking." 
In other words, Mommies should listen to their children when they tell them about Minecraft.

"Remember to look up at the stars and not down at your feet."
That's how you trip so I'm not going to do that.

"The whole history of science has been the gradual realization that events do not happen in an arbitrary manner, but that they reflect a certain underlying order, which may or may not be divinely inspired."
Aka, why my room is not "a mess" that I "need to clean up, especially the Legos" like Mommy says. It's Art. I'm an artist.

"It would not be much of a universe if it wasn't home to the people you love."
And Legos.

Zoe: 180; Universe: 0

 If you enjoyed this post, you may like this one.

For more of Zoe's hijinks, follow me on Facebook and on Twitter at @zoevsuniverse
I need a win here, people. 

"Life would be tragic if it weren't funny." --Stephen Hawking, so:
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