Thursday, March 30, 2017

Zoe vs. Two Truths and Lie

Previously on Zoe vs. the Universe, we spoke about games people play in the car. Since that time, Zoe has become obsessed with these types of games. We must play them every day: to and from school, during her bath, and before bed.
Her new favorite is Two Truths and Lie.
It all started about a week ago when she wanted me to guess when she was lying, offering me low-hanging fruit like "I'm in the bath" or "I'm a mermaid." Not exactly challenging to my deductive reasoning skills. So I introduced her to the Two Truths and a Lie game.

Two truths and a lie

First, I made her guess which two foods Mommy has eaten and which one she hasn't:
1. pizza
2. snails
3. monkey brains
Pizza was a gimme, since she'd seen me eating it. But was it snails or monkey brains I was lying about? She guessed snails was the lie, but I said no, and told her about the garlicky deliciousness of escargot. I have yet to try monkey brains, I said. Would she like to try them with me? I'd make some tomorrow night.
She screamed in horrified delight and she's never looked back.
Now I have to come up with several of these a night to present her with so she can guess which is the lie.
Meanwhile, when it's her turn I get:
1. My favorite color is pink.
2. I'm in first grade.
3. My name is Zoe.
Forcing me to ask, "Did you change your favorite color, because as long as you've been able to say the word it's been pink?"
"No. The lie is I'm in first grade."
"Unless I missed a memo, you are in first grade."
"I am? Oh yeah."
Move to the head of the class, I think.
Then it's my turn again. Time to show off my smartitudes, or, more to the point, see how smart she thinks I am.
1. I can speak five languages.
2. I know the alphabet in sign language.
3. I have no middle name.
"Middle name," she guesses.
"Nope, that's true. I have no middle name. The lie is that I speak five languages, but I'm glad you think I'm a polyglot."
She squints her eyes at me as she always does when she knows Mommy's showing off by using a ten-dollar word. Then takes her turn.
1. I speak six languages.
2. I have a middle name.
3. And I speak English.
"I'm going to say the bit about speaking six languages is a lie, unless we're talking about the ones you made up."
She just laughs and mumbles something incoherent.
I say, "I've never skied or been on a motorcycle, but I have ridden a horse."
"No, I've been on a horse. At a dude ranch when I was in eighth grade. The lie is saying I've never skied. Because I did go skiing once. When I was in college. I fell and hit my head. A week later, I met Daddy and we started dating."
She blinks at me, recognizing my waiting-for-a-laugh face.
"It's funny because I'm saying I had a head injury when I got together with Daddy. Get it?"
Still no reaction. My next lie would be I've never told that joke about a million times before or maybe Daddy loves that joke.
When she's out of the bath and in her pajamas, she begs for one more round before story time.
I decide to end on something mostly sweet but which also includes her favorite subject: bathroom humor.
1. I love Zoe.
2. I love Daddy.
3. I have never farted in my life.
She thinks for a moment and says, "You love Daddy is the lie?"
Aghast but laughing I say, "No! Of course, I love Daddy."
Maybe it is time to retire that head-injury-dating-your-father joke, gold though it may be.
At the same time I'm sort of . . . proud, I guess, that she thinks I've never farted. That would be quite an accomplishment for a pizza-and-escargot-but-not-at-the-same-time-eating woman without a middle name who can speak five languages, four of them made up. And ain't that the truth?

Zoe: 159; Universe: 0

If you enjoyed this post, you may like Zoe vs. The Truth, from those halcyon days when her lies were more transparent.

For more of Zoe's hijinks, follow me on Facebook and on Twitter at @zoevsuniverse
I need a win here, people. 

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