Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Zoe vs. the Monster and the Ghost (and to a Lesser Extent, the Dragon and the Dinosaur)

In general, I see Zoe as a fearless creature. Countless times I've caught her climbing on structures that could not support her weight. I've watched her running while looking back over her shoulder (instead of in the direction she was running). And I've seen her put all manner of things in her mouth, trying to eat them, unless they were actually food. So I was surprised when one night she told me she could not retire to her room because "the Monster and the Ghost" were in there.

Spring Break, Daytona Beach, 1987.
Before it all went to hell.

A lengthy exorcism had to be performed before she could go to bed that night.
The next day it was the same. And the next. 
Before we knew it, it was "a thing." And what this thing was was a crutch, an excuse not to do something we wanted her to do. 
Sometimes it was also a game. One that she played with Daddy, because he is a better sport than Mommy. Daddy can be counted on to Perform. To get into it and yell, "Go away, Monster and Ghost! You can't be in Zoe's room [or the bathroom at bath time, or our bedroom whenever] anymore!"

The thought of seeing this movie
again scares me.

It would take numerous attempts to dislodge the Monster and the Ghost. They would not move until they damn well felt like it. According to Zoe. The only person who could actually see them.
Clearly, Zoe was working out some fears via those old standbys, the Monster and the Ghost, right? 
Then she upped the ante. 
One day, Zoe said she couldn't go into her room at bedtime because the Monster and the Ghost AND the Dragon and the Dinosaur were in there. What a crowd! No wonder there was no room for Zoe to go to sleep. I imagine it was quite noisy as well. 
So before bed, Daddy now needed to clear Zoe's room of all four interlopers. There were the usual animated exhortations mixed with the occasional gentle request when the Monster and the Ghost and the Dragon and the Dinosaur seemed the most receptive to reason (again, we took our cues from Zoe).

Tiamat, the Swiss army knife of dragons.

Digression here. I did some research about common childhood fears and learned that for small children, the fear of monsters is often about their fear of their own anger. Thus, the "monster" is an externalization of their aggression. 
Which led me to wonder: Just how much aggression did Zoe have that she needed to externalize four separate creatures?

Make up your mind, lady, am I a
monster or a dinosaur? 

Interestingly---or I imagine it was interesting if you didn't have to live with her---at some point---and I don't know exactly when it happened---the pretense was subtly dropped. Zoe was no longer afraid of the Monster and the Ghost, or the Dragon and the Dinosaur, and it seemed, in fact, she never had been. 
No, suddenly the Monster and the Ghost and the Dragon and the Dinosaur were Zoe's allies. 
Allies against who? 
Why, who else? Her parents. 
So all along her notifications had actually been warnings
She made this shift with such innocent flair that looking back we couldn't prove she'd ever actually presented them as creatures she feared. All she'd ever done was say they were there, never that she was afraid of them. We'd just assumed.
Viewed that way we saw now how her statement, "The Monster and the Ghost are gonna come and eat you," was a specific threat aimed at us, not an expression of a fear Zoe had.
The blinders were off. It was all a power trip. The enemy of our "enemy" was her friend! 
Now we were afraid. Not of Zoe's creations. Of Zoe herself.
Because our Little Angel had the intelligence to realize that other people fear monsters, ghosts, dragons, and dinosaurs, and therefore, if she conjured them up, even invisibly, she could maybe get them (us) to do her will. 
On a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 equals parental pride and 10 equals the awe and amazement you feel when your offspring surpasses you, Zoe had reached 11, i.e., "engenders feelings of existential terror." 
I have seen the Monster and the Ghost, and the Dragon and the Dinosaur. And they are a three-and-a-half-year-old girl.
Zoe: 36; Universe: 0

7 comments :

  1. I like that the monster, dinosaurs, dragons and ghosts were outnumbering the humans at one point. That's some smart strategical thinking on Zoe's part. I also LOVE this, because OMG, yes: "Daddy, because he is a better sport than Mommy. Daddy can be counted on to Perform. To get into it and yell, "Go away, Monster and Ghost! You can't be in Zoe's room [or the bathroom at bath time, or our bedroom whenever] anymore!"

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    1. Haha. Thanks. Yes, Zoe is very much into strategy!

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  2. HA HA HA! Your last sentence made me burst out laughing! SO FUNNY! I do love that she kept upping the ante each night...she is no fool!-Ashley

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  3. Hilarious, as always. If it makes you feel any better, Henry totally uses the "it's hot" excuse, and he also says "no" when I ask if he is pooping even though he is all red in the face. I haven't gotten to the all-purpose NOTHING, although I'm sure it is coming. Maybe I should start using that on my husband. Hmmm... Zoe might be on to something.

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