Zoe vs. O.P.P.

Remember the song "O.P.P." by  Naughty by Nature? I was reminded of it the other day as I watched Zoe struggle with my friend's two-year-old over a toy. O.P.P., you'll recall, stands for Other People's Property (I know, but we're going with the G-rated version). It was still playing in the clubs the last time I was in one, so early nineties, I suppose, by which time if I wasn't clubbed out I'd met the soon-to-be husband, who only dances when it's socially compulsory, i.e., when all the other couples have to join the wedding couple on the dance floor. Therefore the frequency of his dancing falls somewhere between a solar eclipse and a biblical plague of locusts. Incidentally, for all three, experts recommend you shield your eyes.

Zoe LOVES Other People's Property. Only she doesn't call it that. Her name for Other People's Property is "Mine."  Naughty by Nature (three words that also describe Zoe!), the hip-hop trio from New Jersey consisting of Treach, Vin  Rock, and DJ  Kay Gee, lovingly crafted these words of wisdom, and in honor of them today's post comes to you in rhyme.

Note/Warning: I haven't rapped in years. Back then, Salt-N-Pepa feared my flowcabulary, and I went by the moniker PB&J. Because there ain't nuthin' whiter than that. Now I bring you . . .

O.P.P. (with revisions)

[Verse 1] -- Mommy

On the weekend we went over to somebody's house

They have a two-year-old so toys and stuff lay all around

Five versions of that red puppet that we know and love

Four adults see a fight unfolding from above

Besides the one that actually belongs to Z

There's one that sneezes, one that laughs, and one with kung-fu chi

But Z wants one in particular

the one that someone else has

a moment's inattention, there comes her chance

it's in her hands---O.P.P.!---it's hers at last.

Original playa-hatas

[Chorus] -- Mommy/Everyone

You down with O.P.P.? Yeah, you know Z.

Who's down with O.P.P.? Every last baby.

You down with O.P.P.? Yeah, you know Z.

Who's down with O.P.P.? All the babies.

[Verse 2] -- Mommy

Other child's back is turned

Z seized the opportunity

Toy's now hers with impunity, bust it

E to the L to the M to the O

Lo and behold the two-year-old

sees, a tug-of-war commences

no mending fences

put up defenses

Elmo's in distress, what a mess, 

Wrecks, decks, snaps necks, comes correct.

Where are we living in? Gots to be oblivion. 

We implore, we ignore. Dads, don't keep score, not anymore. 

Don't wanna be no bore.

Take the toy and kick it to the curb.

You take from us, 'rents, don't be absurd!

Gotta be a solution, a problem evolution

Treach ponders, Why won't shorties share?

Just other people's property

And you're down with a discount.

[Chorus]

You down with O.P.P.? Yeah, you know Z.

Who's down with O.P.P.? Every last baby.

You down with O.P.P.? Yeah, you know Z.

Who's down with O.P.P.? All the babies.

[Verse 3]  -- Zoe (aka, Scary Spice 4Realz)

I'm in the park and it's a sunny day

See a ball. Some other kid's but he's not gonna play

Walk on over, scoop it up, tell me the wrong in that?

Give it a throw, no one'll know

Wait, I smell a rat.

What they don't know won't hurt 'em, as long as that other kid don't alert 'em

Whiny tattletale little sister, when I punch I won't miss her.

Mommy drags me from the playground, claims I need a nap

In my defense, I say it was a trap

Stupid stroller lulling me to sleep

I'll dream of all the toys I'm gonna keep

Starting with that ball, just don't get in my way

It belonged to someone else but was gonna be mine anyway.

[Chorus]

You down with O.P.P.? Yeah, you know Z.

Who's down with O.P.P.? Every last baby.

You down with O.P.P.? Yeah, you know Z.

Who's down with O.P.P.? All the babies.

Collateral damage from another O.P.P. dispute.

[Verse 4] -- Zoe and Mommy

When I wake up from my nap you best not look at me

Messy hair, peanut butter crusting my lips, damn skippy!

It's hard to be a toddler, and you know that's a fact

Coaxing me awake takes mad skillz and a lot of tact.

Cause, y'all when you're small it ain't at all

Fun, no (Z, you tell it! Drop your load!)

I did. (Yeah, I smell it.)

Come over here and get changed. Why you actin so deranged?

Cause I drank too much - - -

M to the O to the T to the T to the S

No sugar added, already has enough, now you high on the stuff

Dancin', prancin', can't stay still

Bedtime battle's sure to be uphill. Why can't you just chill? Mommy needs a pill.

This rhyme's a disaster, just like my living room after

Z!

That rhymes with

3!

The age of

Z.

Yeah, you know me!

Word!*

Zoe: 17; Universe: 0

*That word is no.